Joy tends to show up when you’re not looking for it, not when you’re consumed with trying to be happy or focusing on what you want out of life. No, joy often slips in when you’re doing something simple like sending a quick text to check in with someone you haven’t seen in a while, sharing a smile with a stranger, or laughing with a friend. That’s where joy lives. It gets you thinking, what if the key to a more fulfilled life isn’t in chasing after our own desires, but in how we show up for others? What if, by shifting our focus away from ourselves, we find something way bigger than we ever imagined?

Let’s just sit with that for a second.

When you start to lean into this idea, something begins to unfold. The more we turn our gaze outward, the richer our lives become. It’s a subtle shift—from being about “me” to seeing the beauty in “we.” And this shift doesn’t just help the people around us. It changes us, too. Deep down in our bones, something shifts.

The Dalai Lama, wise soul that he is, once said, “The more time you spend thinking about yourself, the more suffering you will experience.”

Think about it. When we get stuck focusing too much on ourselves, it’s like being caught in a loop. Ever been there? You spin your wheels, trying to figure out how to be happy, and the harder you try, the more tangled you get. The Dalai Lama, wise soul that he is, once said, “The more time you spend thinking about yourself, the more suffering you will experience.” The more we’re wrapped up in our own stuff, the more disconnected we feel. But when we lift our heads and look around—when we start paying attention to the people right in front of us—that’s when we begin to find peace. That’s where fulfilment starts to grow.

The real joy, the kind that nourishes your soul, doesn’t come from looking inward, obsessing over what you can get. It comes from reaching outward, stepping into the lives of others, from offering your heart in service.

Reaching outward and finding magic

Happiness expert Arthur Brooks says: “Selfishness is a lonely path.” Isn’t that the truth? How many of us have spent years chasing the things we thought would bring us happiness—things like success, security, or the next shiny achievement—only to end up feeling hollow, like we’ve missed the point entirely? The real joy, the kind that nourishes your soul, doesn’t come from looking inward, obsessing over what you can get. It comes from reaching outward, stepping into the lives of others, from offering your heart in service. That’s where the true magic lies.

How fitting that we’re talking about this shift as we enter a season of gathering. Depending on which side of the 49th parallel you live on, you’ve either just celebrated or are about to celebrate Thanksgiving. And for all of us, the holiday season is right around the corner. This time of year is packed with opportunities to gather, connect, and share moments that warm the soul. But these gatherings aren’t just about turkey or holiday traditions. They’re about showing up for each other, being fully present, choosing connection over isolation, and letting joy sneak in when we least expect it.

Making the shift

Let’s take a beat and ask ourselves: as we head into this season of gathering, who do we want to be? How do we want to show up for the people around us? Because gatherings, in all their forms, provide golden opportunities to practice this shift. They invite us to put aside the scorecards, stop tallying who brought what, and focus instead on what we’re giving. I’m not talking about the gift you wrapped in a hurry—I’m talking about giving your presence, your attention, your laughter, your light.

Instead of seeing the people in our lives as obstacles or things to get around, we start seeing them as…well, as people. Fellow human beings. With their own stories, their own struggles, their own dreams. And when we do that—when we truly start to see others—it changes us. It heals us. Our relationships become richer. Our communities grow stronger. And we heal, too.

This doesn’t mean you should neglect yourself. Rest and recharging are still essential. But the truth is, when you help lift others, you lift yourself too. Shifting from "me" to "we" requires awareness. It’s about catching yourself in those moments when you’re stuck in your own head, focused on your own problems. Once you notice it, that’s your chance to shift. It’s your chance to open up and connect, to offer something valuable to others, and in doing so, you grow. You get stronger. You become more.

Beautiful noise

It’s easy to get lost in the busyness of the holidays—the driving, the endless to-do lists, the noise. Sometimes, I find myself resenting it all, losing sight of what makes these moments special. I focus on the work and the chaos, forgetting that the noise, that beautiful noise, is what brings life to our gatherings. It’s in that noise—the conversations, the laughter, the energy—where we find meaning. The messiness of it all is where the magic happens. It’s where we truly connect.

When we’re fully present, engaged, and maybe even a little silly, joy naturally flows. When we give of ourselves to others, when we show up for the people in our lives, we receive far more than we ever imagined.

As you gather, remind yourself that joy isn’t something we have to chase. It’s found when we stop taking ourselves so seriously and lean into the moment. When we’re fully present, engaged, and maybe even a little silly, joy naturally flows. When we give of ourselves to others, when we show up for the people in our lives, we receive far more than we ever imagined. That’s the real gift of the season. Huzzah.