Joy tends to show up when you’re not looking for it, not when you’re consumed with trying to be happy or focusing on what you want out of life. No, joy often slips in when you’re doing something simple like sending a quick text to check in with someone you haven’t seen in a while, sharing a smile with a stranger, or laughing with a friend. That’s where joy lives. It gets you thinking, what if the key to a more fulfilled life isn’t in chasing after our own desires, but in how we show up for others? What if, by shifting our focus away from ourselves, we find something way bigger than we ever imagined?
Let’s just sit with that for a second.
When you start to lean into this idea, something begins to unfold. The more we turn our gaze outward, the richer our lives become. It’s a subtle shift—from being about “me” to seeing the beauty in “we.” And this shift doesn’t just help the people around us. It changes us, too. Deep down in our bones, something shifts.
The Dalai Lama, wise soul that he is, once said, “The more time you spend thinking about yourself, the more suffering you will experience.”
Think about it. When we get stuck focusing too much on ourselves, it’s like being caught in a loop. Ever been there? You spin your wheels, trying to figure out how to be happy, and the harder you try, the more tangled you get. The Dalai Lama, wise soul that he is, once said, “The more time you spend thinking about yourself, the more suffering you will experience.” The more we’re wrapped up in our own stuff, the more disconnected we feel. But when we lift our heads and look around—when we start paying attention to the people right in front of us—that’s when we begin to find peace. That’s where fulfilment starts to grow.
The real joy, the kind that nourishes your soul, doesn’t come from looking inward, obsessing over what you can get. It comes from reaching outward, stepping into the lives of others, from offering your heart in service.
“But while we have no control over time itself, we do have a choice in how we orient to it, how we inhabit the moment, how we own the past and open to the future - a choice that shapes our entire experience of life, that ossuary of time. And just as it bears remembering that there are infinitely many kinds of beautiful lives, it bears remembering that there are infinitely many ways of being in time.” - Maria Popova, The Marginalian
Change of environment
I put on my ski gear, and pull my boot bag up on my back. Covered head to toe, I step outside. My skis are perched on my left shoulder, and my poles are in my right hand. I walk carefully down the snowy path and up through the village to the lift. It’s a sacred ten minutes of meditative rhythmic walking to warm me up for the day ahead.
New snow has fallen – about twenty centimetres. The snow cats have groomed the mountain during the night. It’s early and I'll be on the first lift up to the slopes.
This is the change of environment I crave the most at this time in my life. The movement from posed stability to energetic vulnerability, from the familiar to the serendipitous unknown, from the routine to the spontaneous. Here on the mountain I feel like I live life to its fullest. I feel more alive here than anywhere else. Curiosity is my catalyst — I could rest today, I could contemplate other days gone by, but I'm curious: What will the snow be like? What will my balance and form be like? What shapes of clouds will appear? What breeze will freeze my nose? Where will the trail take me? It is ski season; adventurous, mysterious and invigorating. It provides another form of lifestyle filled with the sort of vulnerability I love.
Of course everyone knows that change is constant, but there is nowhere else in the world where I see, feel, hear, touch and taste this truth more clearly than here on the side of my favourite mountain.
This magic mountain that I've skied for years and years changes all the time. It's ironic really, as it is made of stone and rock, ice and dirt - elements so strong and stable, so unmoving and unbudgeable, so unforgiving and invincible, yet it is forever changing. Of course everyone knows that change is constant, but there is nowhere else in the world where I see, feel, hear, touch and taste this truth more clearly than here on the side of my favourite mountain. Such a curious phenomenon — this alpine environment that moves and changes constantly, just like me. The weather forecast looks good today, colder than yesterday, but mostly sunny in the morning with the wind rising in the afternoon. Of course, this could change too.
Letting change flow
Arriving at the base of the mountain, I put on my ski boots, tuck my shoes away for the day, and once again perch my skis on my shoulder. I use my poles to help me navigate the steps up to the gates; it’s the beginning of the season and this morning routine of getting to the lifts still has me feeling a bit winded as I get used to the altitude. My friend is waiting for me. She and I smile brightly at each other and, seconds later, the buzzer goes off and the gates are activated. We are the first ones through, proud of ourselves for our early rising and excited to experience the thrill of another ski day together. We banter about the beautiful day ahead, our slight aches and pains and need for some stretching.
My friend is confident and bold — an expert skier. Me, I am not as confident and I am no expert. But I am bold, and she inspires me. Most of all, I am grateful for the change of scenery, communing with nature and the joy of being together again on the mountain.
Tensing up in anticipation of a coming bump or turn will surely cause a fall. The key to serenity on skis is letting change flow, becoming one with the change, and then being the change.
As we descend each run at our own pace, our skis pushing us beyond our unique comfort zones, we each experience individualized moments in the quiet rhythm of skiing. Every day on the slope is different, every turn of every carve into the snow is different, at times smooth and other times choppy. At all times, our minds must stay connected to our bodies. It is invigorating and mystifying, as we must disconnect from all worries and all other actions and stay absolutely present. Tensing up in anticipation of a coming bump or turn will surely cause a fall. The key to serenity on skis is letting change flow, becoming one with the change, and then being the change.
After a few hours of skiing our favourite trails, I tell my friend I want to stop at a lookout spot, not because I’m tired but because I want to breathe in my surroundings. She says she’ll let me have a bit of alone time and we decide she’ll do another run and meet me back here. The sky is vast and filled with a multitude of blue hues, the clouds are fantastical and bright white. The fresh cold air is thinner up here; it smells minty as it passes through my nostrils and it tastes minerally as it drips down my throat. The steam rises from my scarf as I breathe in and out, feeling the warmth of my body. This change of environment is essential to my well-being. It’s not just any change of environment though.
Chrono-diversity
It’s being up at altitude that thrills me most. The physicist Carlo Rovelli in his book “The Order of Time” captures the essence of my pause at the lookout spot. He writes,
“I stop and do nothing. Nothing happens. I am thinking about nothing. I listen to the passing of time. This is time, familiar and intimate. We are taken by it…. Our being is being in time.”
I lived and worked in this village just below the slopes for ten years, all through my thirties, and now that I am retired, I return here as much as possible. Initially when I moved away, down to sea level and no longer at altitude, it took me a long time to adjust and to adapt to being in a different time zone, but not just a different chronometric time zone, but a different “chrono-atmospheric” time zone.
I am fascinated by the way Rovelli explains how altitude changes time. He writes, “Let’s begin with a simple fact: time passes faster in the mountains than it does at sea level…
I am fascinated by the way Rovelli explains how altitude changes time. He writes, “Let’s begin with a simple fact: time passes faster in the mountains than it does at sea level… This slowing down can be detected between levels just a few centimetres apart: a clock placed on the floor runs a little more slowly than one on a table. It is not just the clocks that slow down: lower down, all processes are slower.”
When I read this, I started to understand and accept why I had found it so challenging to transition from life up on the mountain to life in the valley. All of my processes had to become slower; my mental and physical, even spiritual relationships towards time had to change in order for me to adapt and to adjust to my new surroundings. It was a very unnerving time at first, and I found myself longing to return to the mountains. Despite the fact that I enjoyed my new job, raising my children and making new friends in a different culture, my personal processes, like my coping mechanisms, had slowed down and I needed to give myself time to accept the newness of this “chrono-diversity” at sea level.
Some consider winter a time to slow down and rest, imitating elements of nature that hibernate and tuck in to escape the cold. But for me, it is this change of environment, this other way of being in time, this speeding up and expanding of time, that I long for in the winter months.
During those years, my friend stayed in the mountains; she never returned to life in the valley. And I believe this makes us different in the way we now measure time. Maybe her time does actually pass more quickly than mine? She is a speed queen and can get a million things done in one day. She thinks faster than I think, and certainly skis faster than I ski.
Some consider winter a time to slow down and rest, imitating elements of nature that hibernate and tuck in to escape the cold. But for me, it is this change of environment, this other way of being in time, this speeding up and expanding of time, that I long for in the winter months. It’s the rigour and rhythm of mountain time. Rovelli writes,
“Two friends separate, with one of them living in the plains and the other going to live in the mountains. They meet up again years later: the one who has stayed down has lived less, aged less, the mechanism of his cuckoo clock has oscillated fewer times. He has had less time to do things, his plants have grown less, his thoughts have had less time to unfold ... Lower down, there is simply less time than at altitude.”
I guess the proof is “in the physics.” As I’ve learned, it is the changeability of time in the mountains that keeps me skiing through life. Even if it seems a bit ironic and mysterious to me, I imagine I will always feel this type of change to be constant in my life. Though I suppose, that could change too.
Reaching outward and finding magic
Happiness expert Arthur Brooks says: “Selfishness is a lonely path.” Isn’t that the truth? How many of us have spent years chasing the things we thought would bring us happiness—things like success, security, or the next shiny achievement—only to end up feeling hollow, like we’ve missed the point entirely? The real joy, the kind that nourishes your soul, doesn’t come from looking inward, obsessing over what you can get. It comes from reaching outward, stepping into the lives of others, from offering your heart in service. That’s where the true magic lies.
How fitting that we’re talking about this shift as we enter a season of gathering. Depending on which side of the 49th parallel you live on, you’ve either just celebrated or are about to celebrate Thanksgiving. And for all of us, the holiday season is right around the corner. This time of year is packed with opportunities to gather, connect, and share moments that warm the soul. But these gatherings aren’t just about turkey or holiday traditions. They’re about showing up for each other, being fully present, choosing connection over isolation, and letting joy sneak in when we least expect it.
Making the shift
Let’s take a beat and ask ourselves: as we head into this season of gathering, who do we want to be? How do we want to show up for the people around us? Because gatherings, in all their forms, provide golden opportunities to practice this shift. They invite us to put aside the scorecards, stop tallying who brought what, and focus instead on what we’re giving. I’m not talking about the gift you wrapped in a hurry—I’m talking about giving your presence, your attention, your laughter, your light.
Instead of seeing the people in our lives as obstacles or things to get around, we start seeing them as…well, as people. Fellow human beings. With their own stories, their own struggles, their own dreams. And when we do that—when we truly start to see others—it changes us. It heals us. Our relationships become richer. Our communities grow stronger. And we heal, too.
This doesn’t mean you should neglect yourself. Rest and recharging are still essential. But the truth is, when you help lift others, you lift yourself too. Shifting from "me" to "we" requires awareness. It’s about catching yourself in those moments when you’re stuck in your own head, focused on your own problems. Once you notice it, that’s your chance to shift. It’s your chance to open up and connect, to offer something valuable to others, and in doing so, you grow. You get stronger. You become more.
Beautiful noise
It’s easy to get lost in the busyness of the holidays—the driving, the endless to-do lists, the noise. Sometimes, I find myself resenting it all, losing sight of what makes these moments special. I focus on the work and the chaos, forgetting that the noise, that beautiful noise, is what brings life to our gatherings. It’s in that noise—the conversations, the laughter, the energy—where we find meaning. The messiness of it all is where the magic happens. It’s where we truly connect.
When we’re fully present, engaged, and maybe even a little silly, joy naturally flows. When we give of ourselves to others, when we show up for the people in our lives, we receive far more than we ever imagined.
As you gather, remind yourself that joy isn’t something we have to chase. It’s found when we stop taking ourselves so seriously and lean into the moment. When we’re fully present, engaged, and maybe even a little silly, joy naturally flows. When we give of ourselves to others, when we show up for the people in our lives, we receive far more than we ever imagined. That’s the real gift of the season. Huzzah.