It is a gift to journey through life with a sense of safety. Whether inherited, nurtured or intentionally cultivated, this feeling of safety is fertile ground from which we can draw the strength and courage to experiment, explore and grow. As a coach and facilitator with InHabit.Life, I have learned firsthand the power— and potential—of intentionally creating safe and brave spaces for my clients.

Safe & brave spaces: Environments where individuals feel secure enough to take risks, be vulnerable, and engage in deep, meaningful learning and development.

The profound impact of safety, a personal story

The clearest picture of safety’s impact on our capacity to learn came not through my role as a coach, but as a mother. Amidst the chaos of a global pandemic, my youngest son, ten years old at the time, was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), level 1. Alongside ASD, he also faced two neurodevelopmental learning differences: Dyscalculia and Dysgraphia.

For years before receiving the diagnosis, we believed we were supporting him through PTSD after a traumatic dental surgery. His days were marked by anxiety, obsessive compulsive behaviours, and extreme sensory overload, causing him to either withdraw from or push back against the world.

Receiving his diagnosis of ASD and understanding his neurodevelopmental differences shifted our perspective entirely. We learned that he lived in a constant state of hyperarousal, with all his internal resources consumed by a relentless barrage of sensory inputs and demands. He felt perpetually unsafe. For him, everything was about survival. Anything beyond that - like learning and considering others' perspectives - was impossible.

Recognizing his profound need for safety, and knowing that he relied on us as his parents to create it, my husband and I asked ourselves: What is challenging his sense of safety in our approach, in his environment, in his relationships and in his mind and body? We worked through some answers, and then sought out specialists to help us reshape our approach and our environment in order to create a safe space for our son.
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We would need to create predictable rhythms and, together with him, make plans and negotiate changes. We would need to ensure he was seen and engaged meaningfully. We would need to work at helping him observe and address his thoughts, emotions, and physical experiences. We knew that cultivating safety would take time, consistency, support and significant patience - there would be no quick fixes. It’s been 3 years since we began this journey, and the impact has been profound. As his sense of safety has grown, our son has acquired new skills, formed new relationships, improved academically, increased his tolerance, curiosity, humour and empathy, and found greater joy in life. While we haven’t resolved every challenge, we know that each time we expand his sense of safety and help him exercise his agency to create it, new doors open.

This part of my parenting journey has deeply influenced my work as a coach and facilitator. In order to undertake the hard work of changing, letting go of old ways, embracing new ones, and making space for differences, we all need to feel safe.   We also need courage—an openness to be brave.  For my son, safety gave rise to the courage he needed to be brave and try new things. It is the same for all of us as learners. A safe space can become a brave space for change and growth.
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The science of safety

The neuroscience of safety is fascinating. When we are in a constantly triggered state - like my son was - our sympathetic nervous system is activated. That means the amygdala - our brain's alarm system - takes control before the prefrontal cortex - the thinking part of our brain responsible for executive functioning, visioning, and future planning - can catch up. With the amygdala in charge and the prefrontal cortex offline, our body stays in perpetual survival mode, always looking for threats, never feeling safe and never fully able to rest or relax. Staying in this state diminishes our sense of safety and depletes our resources.

While we see this experienced frequently among those living with PTSD, anxiety disorders and some forms of neurodivergence, sadly the pace and stresses of our modern life make it increasingly common, especially among youth. To move into a state that allows for visioning, learning or growth,  we need to activate the parasympathetic nervous system—our “rest and digest” system. When activated, it grounds us, restores our sense of safety, and allows us to “return to learn.” On an individual level, there are many tools we can use to help shift our body out of “fight or flight” and into “rest and digest” mode, creating that sense of safety.

Safe and brave spaces in coaching

As a facilitator and coach, I know that helping my clients build a sense of safety is key to their ability to learn and grow - and it’s something we create together. I work to build trust and rapport as we create connections between coach and coachee, facilitator and participants, and among group members. I invite them to notice their thoughts and internal commentaries with curiosity,  moving forward with what serves them. Cultivating their sense of agency contributes to their experience of safety, which allows people to move into increasingly generative learning states, both individually and collectively.

Ross Greene’s expression, “Kids do well when they can,” holds true for adults as well. We can thrive when we’re invited to learn and grow in safe and brave spaces. In these spaces, we can step up with courage to try new things, we can wrestle with old beliefs that no longer serve us and we can imagine new ways forward. We can invite feedback, bring our own voices into conversations when we might normally stay silent, and we can step up to lead.  I am in awe every time I see a client step out of old patterns where they felt stuck and into something new where they can thrive. Sometimes it’s an audacious, monumental change; sometimes it’s a seemingly tiny shift that brings them a deeper sense of freedom and joy. Every time, these changes are possible because they feel safe and brave enough to step out.

Even if you haven't inherited a natural sense of safety or been nurtured in a safe environment, experiencing safe and brave spaces is possible. Knowing its value allows us to intentionally cultivate it both for ourselves and with others in the spaces where we gather. And if you need some help, we’d love the privilege of gathering with you and experiencing together the gifts of safe and brave spaces.

Be well,
MaryEllen