For a full decade Michael Koenen performed at the pinnacle of his profession, a punter in the National Football League. When his NFL career ended, it wasn’t the end of sports. With five children, Koenen is often seen on sidelines, along with his wife Devin, in their Washington state hometown, coaching or simply supporting their kids through football, soccer and basketball. It’s all brought a fresh perspective. 

“Sports provide a great atmosphere to build relationships, work toward your goals and get through adversity together,” Koenen tells InHabit about the values he’s learned and hopes his children are now gleaning, too. “You learn to work hard, push through and deal with situations that are challenging and tough and push you to be a better person and athlete.” 

That perspective may be for athletes, but pieces hold true for spectators as well. Sports the world over have become a key gathering ground, whether for young players learning life lessons through play, parents gathering on sidelines to cheer them on, or the millions of fans who watch and support through in-stadium experiences or simply follow on television. 

Sports draw people together. 

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Looking for community

“I think human beings are always eager to form community and not just communities of people we personally know, but ones we imagine we are part of, a larger community we don’t know,” Noah Cohan, assistant director of American Culture Studies at Washington University in St. Louis, tells InHabit. “Being a fan is often about a common affiliation with loved ones, close friends, neighbors or the millions of others out there that share this affinity. Sharing that group identity is really important to people.”

“Other social group bonds have weakened over American life the last couple of decades, but sports have strengthened, especially spectator sports,” Cohan says. 

As research shows, North Americans are becoming increasingly disconnected from community in the form of religious or community organizations. But sports represent an outlier. “Other social group bonds have weakened over American life the last couple of decades, but sports have strengthened, especially spectator sports,” Cohan says. You can thank—or blame—electronic media for that. “I think the buy-in is much less,” he says. “All you have to do is turn on your TV and pick a team.” Picking a team isn’t always associated with place any longer, either. Media allows fans to virtually gather to support a team they once watched in person, helping them “maintain a piece of an identity from childhood or maintain contact to an alma mater, even when across the country,” Cohan says. “There’s no need to disconnect and reconnect.” 

A common purpose

According to Terry Shoemaker, director of Sports at Arizona State University’s Humanities Institute, there’s a notion of shared energy when humans gather for a common purpose. And today’s gatherings around sports often take on a kind of religious experience. “The shared energy and commitments to a team and hopeful outcome join people together intensely,” he says. 

It isn’t always just because of the game on the field. Angie Harwood, a former educator, mom of athletes, current high school coach and a lifetime sport participant, tells InHabit that team sports naturally facilitate gatherings, with set start times, locations and shared interests. Add in a common goal and it helps to create connection through experience. She notes that additional groups often form around teams, including marching bands (and their parents), cheerleaders and more. 

The gathering can be over an NFL game watched on a TV in a family home, in a 70,000-seat stadium or even on the sideline of a youth soccer game with just a handful of spectators. Cohan says that youth sports may still have a level of community tied into the event, although the rise of travel teams and the youth sports industry is chipping away at that. Even with the proliferation of regional teams, bonds remain about a common interest on the part of the kids. 

It’s not just pickleball

With the meteoric rise of sports like pickleball, it’s clear adults are also eager to get in the game. Cohan notes that the proliferation of everything from cart-driving golfers to beer league softball, from adult kickball leagues to yes, pickleball, is often more about community gathering than the competitive nature of the sport. Harwood, who has played in recreational volleyball leagues or USTA-sanctioned tennis events as an adult, says sports provide a fantastic way to get connected to other adults, which can be challenging for some. “I’ve made many dear friends over the years from my participation in athletics,” she says. “As a coach and team captain of adult leagues, I love being a part of building a positive social culture. Sports offer so many life lessons, who could resist?”

“Sports build upon an essential part of the human experience,” he says. “In an interconnected global society, sport supplies a temporary form of play, where an outcome will be governed by agreed-upon rules. When there’s so much weight to our politics, economics, etc., sports also offer a type of escape from the heavier aspects of life.”

Shoemaker says the rules-based nature of sports creates a set of parameters to build around — parameters that don’t change much from childhood all the way to adulthood. “Sports build upon an essential part of the human experience,” he says. “In an interconnected global society, sport supplies a temporary form of play, where an outcome will be governed by agreed-upon rules. When there’s so much weight to our politics, economics, etc., sports also offer a type of escape from the heavier aspects of life.” 

“Sports tap into our innate desire to achieve, and to see others rise to the occasion,” Harwood says. We get stories of underdogs, or the opportunity to marvel over terrific talents. Being there while it all happens helps build connection. “You feel a sense of belonging in the arena, or at a tailgate party,” she says. “Humans like to be connected to something bigger than ourselves, and sports provide that opportunity.” 

With such varied ways to gather around sports—from fandom to participation to connection—driving the popularity of sport around the globe, Shoemaker says there’s one more added layer: “In the quest for a domain of life with an undetermined outcome,” he says, “sport also provides us a place to experience mystery, a type of enchantment in a disenchanted world.” 

Spanning every age — and level

The fact that people’s view of sports can change so dramatically over time can also help them assimilate into differing gathering spaces, as their life situation changes or evolves. Harwood says sports serves as a constant thread through her life, from participating in park-based softball leagues as a youth to parenting a collegiate golfer and another child who became a professional ballet dancer to stepping into coaching tennis at her local high school that allowed her to “refire, rather than retire.” 

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You can’t always control the outcome, but you can control your work rate, your mental focus and your ability to improve in all aspects of your game. It’s about learning to love to compete and separating who you are from what you do.”

For Koenen, a world-class athlete, he says that when he was young, life revolved around winning. “As I grew older, I realized the importance of controlling what I can control,” he says. “I learned to set goals and strive for those goals, no matter what was in my way or what was being said about me, both positively and negatively. You can’t always control the outcome, but you can control your work rate, your mental focus and your ability to improve in all aspects of your game. It’s about learning to love to compete and separating who you are from what you do.” 

Koenen now brings his experience and perspective to the youth sports he coaches and the parents he chats with on the sidelines, exemplifying how sports, at every level, can help us  develop life skills and lasting connections that transcend the game.