Approaching the third age
After a LinkedIn post prompted by a particularly challenging day at work, Annie Brandner —whom I knew from my days working for religious freedom — reached out, telling me about InHabit Magazine, and inviting me to contribute. My first thought, I must admit - was that if she is now in the second half of life, then at 61 I am fast approaching what my French friends refer to as la troisième age or the third age. The dreaded R word appears on the horizon. I find myself looking at campervans (RVs to you across the pond), planning holidays (vacations) for the coming one, two, three, even four summers!
This is a time when, in theory, I should be slowing down. But with elderly parents, three consultancies, a job and, sadly, a wife going through chemo — plus two very active Border Collies and a tennis club that demands my presence 2-3 times a week — the idea of a paper, a pipe and a pair of slippers seems far far away. (NB I don’t, nor have I ever, smoked a pipe!)
A series of unconventional choices
So how – or maybe why — do I manage this juggling act three years off that mystical age of “when I’m 64”?
My choice echoes one made by a former colleague and city banker who chose, at the age of 55, to get off the career treadmill and become an accounts assistant for Hostelling International. As a career-focused 35 year old at the time, I could not comprehend his choice to sacrifice a great career and all its trappings just to spend 6 days a week on the golf course — especially while his wife continued to globe trot in her international marketing role.. But then, years later when I stepped down from my last CEO role, I also just knew I was done.
I had a couple of engaging consultancies following that. I even tried teaching kids French and German in the very year the UK chose to commit its ultimate act of hari-kari – otherwise known as Brexit. So that didn’t end well.
“But while we have no control over time itself, we do have a choice in how we orient to it, how we inhabit the moment, how we own the past and open to the future - a choice that shapes our entire experience of life, that ossuary of time. And just as it bears remembering that there are infinitely many kinds of beautiful lives, it bears remembering that there are infinitely many ways of being in time.” - Maria Popova, The Marginalian
Change of environment
I put on my ski gear, and pull my boot bag up on my back. Covered head to toe, I step outside. My skis are perched on my left shoulder, and my poles are in my right hand. I walk carefully down the snowy path and up through the village to the lift. It’s a sacred ten minutes of meditative rhythmic walking to warm me up for the day ahead.
New snow has fallen – about twenty centimetres. The snow cats have groomed the mountain during the night. It’s early and I'll be on the first lift up to the slopes.
This is the change of environment I crave the most at this time in my life. The movement from posed stability to energetic vulnerability, from the familiar to the serendipitous unknown, from the routine to the spontaneous. Here on the mountain I feel like I live life to its fullest. I feel more alive here than anywhere else. Curiosity is my catalyst — I could rest today, I could contemplate other days gone by, but I'm curious: What will the snow be like? What will my balance and form be like? What shapes of clouds will appear? What breeze will freeze my nose? Where will the trail take me? It is ski season; adventurous, mysterious and invigorating. It provides another form of lifestyle filled with the sort of vulnerability I love.
Of course everyone knows that change is constant, but there is nowhere else in the world where I see, feel, hear, touch and taste this truth more clearly than here on the side of my favourite mountain.
This magic mountain that I've skied for years and years changes all the time. It's ironic really, as it is made of stone and rock, ice and dirt - elements so strong and stable, so unmoving and unbudgeable, so unforgiving and invincible, yet it is forever changing. Of course everyone knows that change is constant, but there is nowhere else in the world where I see, feel, hear, touch and taste this truth more clearly than here on the side of my favourite mountain. Such a curious phenomenon — this alpine environment that moves and changes constantly, just like me. The weather forecast looks good today, colder than yesterday, but mostly sunny in the morning with the wind rising in the afternoon. Of course, this could change too.
Letting change flow
Arriving at the base of the mountain, I put on my ski boots, tuck my shoes away for the day, and once again perch my skis on my shoulder. I use my poles to help me navigate the steps up to the gates; it’s the beginning of the season and this morning routine of getting to the lifts still has me feeling a bit winded as I get used to the altitude. My friend is waiting for me. She and I smile brightly at each other and, seconds later, the buzzer goes off and the gates are activated. We are the first ones through, proud of ourselves for our early rising and excited to experience the thrill of another ski day together. We banter about the beautiful day ahead, our slight aches and pains and need for some stretching.
My friend is confident and bold — an expert skier. Me, I am not as confident and I am no expert. But I am bold, and she inspires me. Most of all, I am grateful for the change of scenery, communing with nature and the joy of being together again on the mountain.
Tensing up in anticipation of a coming bump or turn will surely cause a fall. The key to serenity on skis is letting change flow, becoming one with the change, and then being the change.
As we descend each run at our own pace, our skis pushing us beyond our unique comfort zones, we each experience individualized moments in the quiet rhythm of skiing. Every day on the slope is different, every turn of every carve into the snow is different, at times smooth and other times choppy. At all times, our minds must stay connected to our bodies. It is invigorating and mystifying, as we must disconnect from all worries and all other actions and stay absolutely present. Tensing up in anticipation of a coming bump or turn will surely cause a fall. The key to serenity on skis is letting change flow, becoming one with the change, and then being the change.
After a few hours of skiing our favourite trails, I tell my friend I want to stop at a lookout spot, not because I’m tired but because I want to breathe in my surroundings. She says she’ll let me have a bit of alone time and we decide she’ll do another run and meet me back here. The sky is vast and filled with a multitude of blue hues, the clouds are fantastical and bright white. The fresh cold air is thinner up here; it smells minty as it passes through my nostrils and it tastes minerally as it drips down my throat. The steam rises from my scarf as I breathe in and out, feeling the warmth of my body. This change of environment is essential to my well-being. It’s not just any change of environment though.
Chrono-diversity
It’s being up at altitude that thrills me most. The physicist Carlo Rovelli in his book “The Order of Time” captures the essence of my pause at the lookout spot. He writes,
“I stop and do nothing. Nothing happens. I am thinking about nothing. I listen to the passing of time. This is time, familiar and intimate. We are taken by it…. Our being is being in time.”
I lived and worked in this village just below the slopes for ten years, all through my thirties, and now that I am retired, I return here as much as possible. Initially when I moved away, down to sea level and no longer at altitude, it took me a long time to adjust and to adapt to being in a different time zone, but not just a different chronometric time zone, but a different “chrono-atmospheric” time zone.
I am fascinated by the way Rovelli explains how altitude changes time. He writes, “Let’s begin with a simple fact: time passes faster in the mountains than it does at sea level…
I am fascinated by the way Rovelli explains how altitude changes time. He writes, “Let’s begin with a simple fact: time passes faster in the mountains than it does at sea level… This slowing down can be detected between levels just a few centimetres apart: a clock placed on the floor runs a little more slowly than one on a table. It is not just the clocks that slow down: lower down, all processes are slower.”
When I read this, I started to understand and accept why I had found it so challenging to transition from life up on the mountain to life in the valley. All of my processes had to become slower; my mental and physical, even spiritual relationships towards time had to change in order for me to adapt and to adjust to my new surroundings. It was a very unnerving time at first, and I found myself longing to return to the mountains. Despite the fact that I enjoyed my new job, raising my children and making new friends in a different culture, my personal processes, like my coping mechanisms, had slowed down and I needed to give myself time to accept the newness of this “chrono-diversity” at sea level.
Some consider winter a time to slow down and rest, imitating elements of nature that hibernate and tuck in to escape the cold. But for me, it is this change of environment, this other way of being in time, this speeding up and expanding of time, that I long for in the winter months.
During those years, my friend stayed in the mountains; she never returned to life in the valley. And I believe this makes us different in the way we now measure time. Maybe her time does actually pass more quickly than mine? She is a speed queen and can get a million things done in one day. She thinks faster than I think, and certainly skis faster than I ski.
Some consider winter a time to slow down and rest, imitating elements of nature that hibernate and tuck in to escape the cold. But for me, it is this change of environment, this other way of being in time, this speeding up and expanding of time, that I long for in the winter months. It’s the rigour and rhythm of mountain time. Rovelli writes,
“Two friends separate, with one of them living in the plains and the other going to live in the mountains. They meet up again years later: the one who has stayed down has lived less, aged less, the mechanism of his cuckoo clock has oscillated fewer times. He has had less time to do things, his plants have grown less, his thoughts have had less time to unfold ... Lower down, there is simply less time than at altitude.”
I guess the proof is “in the physics.” As I’ve learned, it is the changeability of time in the mountains that keeps me skiing through life. Even if it seems a bit ironic and mysterious to me, I imagine I will always feel this type of change to be constant in my life. Though I suppose, that could change too.
Then I came across a role managing a new church and community centre no more than half a mile from our house in Tottenham. I was 56. With no thought as to how such a role would look on my CV or whether I would ever manage a large organisation again, I happily accepted. Though to be candid, not without some trepidation. But this change in my life, no longer requiring long work trips away from home sometimes to far flung corners of the planet, was without a shred of a doubt, the single best professional decision I ever made.
The evidence is in the LinkedIn Post below, which started this petit voyage:
Cleaning toilets (not once but three times yesterday) wasn’t where I intended to be in my career aged 61. Nor was being told at 10.20pm when I tried to calm a noisy group in our residential area outside The Engine Room to “show some f*****g respect” (no sense of irony!) to a funeral party who decided to continue their event in the street. But that’s what community work is all about and at this stage in my life, the rewards of working locally and flexibly, seeing close up the results of your work (yes even a clean unblocked toilet can give you a feeling of a job well done (excuse the pun) and doing something which is so worthwhile more than makes up for it. And if you need a meeting space (with super clean loos) and would like to support a great cause, why not check us out? www.engineroom.org.uk
Switching tracks, changing metrics
So now, approaching la troisième age, what did happen to my career? The son of a railway man, I like to think that I just took it off the fast track and chose the meandering line through more scenic places. While perhaps not the savviest choice on paper, the real life benefits have been plentiful. Not only do I enjoy more home time, a hugely improved work-life balance, but also interestingly an enhanced financial position, as I don’t find myself travelling or socialising as much as I once did plus I bring in a good income from consultancies (one of which involves me spending several weeks of the winter in an Italian ski resort with approximately one thousand students from across the globe! It’s tough, but someone has to do it.)
If you are lucky enough to be in that deuxième age (second age), then why not consider your options even now? Less is often more. From here, I can say there is so much more to life than just work. And if, like me, you spent your 20s, 30s and 40s with work as your number one focus, then perhaps now is the time for a rethink. You may not want to be unblocking loos, but you can sure make a difference in your community. And if my experience is anything to go by, you will find a mental peace and emotional connection to those around you that was missing for much of that first half of life. Try it. You won’t be disappointed.